Arm the Kids! The Canned Good Self Defense

Unicorns and other sane individuals are scratching their heads raw on this one. A middle-school principal in Alabama sent a letter to parents requesting students bring an 8-ounce canned good to school. This request was not to promote a food drive; it was to help ensure student safety in the event an intruder with a gun were to attack the school. 

However, this bit of wisdom is coming our way via a school system in Alabama, ranked a whopping 49th, only two spots away from being labeled the worst in America. The honor of the worst of the worst, by the way, goes to the District of Colombia, with the highest dropout rate and lowest test scores in reading and math.

Alas, the AP reported that the letter claims, "The canned food item could stun the intruder or even knock him out until the police arrive," Holley wrote. "The canned food item will give the students a sense of empowerment to protect themselves and will make them feel secure in case an intruder enters their classroom." 

So basically, the principal is implying students should play the knock-out game with a would-be terrorist. This is basically sending the message to students that they and a can of food are their own best self defense, as the school cannot protect them in practical ways (i.e. arming security guards or certifying teachers to safely carry and operate firearms).

Leave it to the folks on Twitter, though, to show the absolute idiocracy in this progressive logic:

@michelelfrost @dthurston @linoge_wotc Brief aside - anybody ever heard of shooting tin cans for target practice? *facepalm*
— R.O.C.K. in the USSA (@ROCKInTheUSSA) January 14, 2015